Feb 12, 2024
-How do codependents often switch from people-pleasing to controlling others?
-Where does our desire to control others come from?
-What can we do to let go of our need to control?
Welcome to Episode 161! Kelli Younglove is back for a deeper look at two common sides of codependency: people-pleasing and controlling others. Kelli opens up about her own experiences being a controlling codependent and how this contributed to her poor boundaries. We discuss where these poor boundaries, people-pleasing, and controlling behaviors come from. The episode concludes with Kelli sharing about all the work she has done to address her poor boundaries and how that led her to creating her boundary course. It’s a must-listen!
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More on this week’s guest:
Kelli Younglove is a Consciousness Coach who teaches her clients a kinder, gentler way to work with their anxiety so they can silence the voice of the harsh inner critic, release stress, and show up in their lives as their happy, confident selves. She's also the creator of the boundary course: Creating the Container of YOU— a self-study e-course that teaches boundary fundamentals for people pleasers and controllers.
Kelli’s first interview on the podcast: https://codependummy.com/the-basics-of-boundaries-with-kelli-younglove/
Kelli’s course: https://courses-kelliyounglove.thinkific.com/courses/boundaries-creating-the-container-of-you
Receive a free admission to her course by emailing Kelli: kelli@kelliyounglove.com
https://www.facebook.com/youngloveinc/
More deets on the episode:
We begin by revisiting Kelli’s definition of codependency and she adds how we “need the hit of approval, that rush that I am okay and alright since others are okay with me.” She emphasizes how codependents are left feeling insecure and scared since they are always looking outside of themselves to feel okay.
Kelli reflects on codependency in her own life and reflects on a boyfriend from her early 20s. She recalls how she was controlling since she feared he would leave her by guilting him, giving him the silent treatment, via emotional blackmail, punishment, threats, and acting like a bully. Sound familiar?
We explore how codependents, despite being such people-pleasers, are controlling as well. This results in us swinging from one extreme to the other due to our lack of inner boundaries.
Kelli suggests that these roles of people-pleasing and control are rooted in the human struggle for survival! This evolved into the struggle for power and we attempt to control as a survival strategy. In order to combat this, Kelli highlights how we need to switch from fear to better awareness and relate to others in a new way–not from a one up, one down position–but as equals.
We conclude by hearing about Kelli’s journey to create healthy boundaries in her own life which began in 2002 and how that culminated in her creating her boundary course after decades of study!
Thanks for coming on Kelli! And thank you for being here, dear listener!
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